The Four Stages of Healing: A gentle path toward wholeness

Where are you on your healing journey?

Perhaps you've wondered why healing seems to come so easily for some people while you still struggle with memories, fear, shame, or grief. Maybe you've made satisfying progress only to find yourself unexpectedly triggered again, wondering if you're right back where you started.

You're not.

Healing is not linear. If you were to graph it, it might even look like a loop-de-loop roller coaster. There are seasons of rapid growth, seasons of waiting, and even moments that feel like setbacks. Yet through it all, God is gently leading you toward greater freedom, deeper peace, and a more wholehearted life.

Imagine where you'd like to be one year from today.

Can you picture yourself carrying a little less shame? Experiencing more joy? Sleeping more peacefully? Feeling safer in your own skin? Trusting God more deeply?

Such changes are attainable! They come through countless courageous baby steps to keep moving forward--a determination to persevere while leaning on God's faithful presence, a decision to get back up when you fall or when you're depleted.

As I reflected on my own journey and the stories of many survivors, I recognized four stages that reflect the typical path toward healing. These aren't rigid categories. Each person will experience them differently and at varying paces. They can help you recognize where you are today and identify your next step.

No matter what has wounded you—sexual abuse, betrayal, grief, trauma, or another heartbreaking loss—God desires restoration. We all carry wounds because we all live in a broken world. But our God delights in bringing beauty from ashes.

Each stage below offers a feast of resources; choose one or two that resonate with you so you don't get overwhelmed.

You are not behind!

Healing has no timeline or deadline. God is never impatient with your progress, and He promises to meet you exactly where you are.

My prayer is that these four stages will help you recognize His work in your life and give you fresh hope for the journey ahead.

The Four Stages of Healing

Understanding the Journey of Recovery and Growth

1. Healing-Curious

Description: This is the stage of wondering. You are aware that you’ve been wounded—by trauma, abuse, or grief—but feel unsure, overwhelmed, or afraid of what healing might involve. You may explore articles, books, podcasts, or therapy websites but haven’t taken action yet.

What It Looks Like:

• Feeling emotionally stuck or numb

• Having a deep longing for change but also fear of facing the pain of delving into past wounds

• Asking “What would healing even look like for me?”

• Secretly hoping for someone safe to help you begin

  
  

Helpful Resources:

• Christian podcasts focused on healing from trauma

• Journaling feelings and fears (check out My Healing Journal)

• Books by Dr. Diane Langberg: Suffering and the Heart of God and On the Threshold of Hope 

• Book by Dr. Curt Thompson: The Soul of Shame 

• Talking to a safe, trusted Christian friend or mentor

• YouTube channels about trauma healing (such as Dr. Diane Langberg's)

• I unashamedly recommend my book, Heartmending, because enough readers and counselors have assured me that it's helpful, practical, and biblical. Read the first 3-4 chapters; also available as an audiobook!

  
  

Goal:

Acquaint yourself with the healing process, discover that you're not alone, and build trust and courage to take the first step. The more you educate yourself about trauma's impact, the more you'll realize how "normal" your response is.

Claim this truth:

I am not alone. God is with me and He WILL walk me through this process at a gentle, achievable pace.

2. Healing-Ready

Description: This stage is marked by a breakthrough of courage. You've moved beyond fear enough to take action. You might start therapy, join a support group, or tell your story for the first time. The healing journey has officially begun.

What It Looks Like:

• Starting therapy or counseling

• Reading books on healing from trauma more intentionally

• Attending healing retreats or workshops

• Admitting the truth of what happened

• Beginning to pray more openly and honestly

  
  

Helpful Resources:

• Faith-based trauma therapists or life coaches 

• Church or online support groups where you can comfortably release your story in a safe space and receive encouragement for next steps

• Healing-themed books

• Scripture meditation for emotional healing (see the Bible verses at the end of every chapter in Heartmending)

• Read up to chapter 6 in Heartmending

  
  

Goal:

Gain momentum, build an arsenal of healing tools and skills, and establish safe healing rhythms.

Claim this truth:

I am learning to cope WITH HOPE. You, Lord, are guiding my steps.

3. Healing-Focused

Description: In this stage, healing work is well underway. There’s a deeper understanding of emotional patterns, wounds, and restoration. You often start to reclaim identity, practice new boundaries, and feel glimpses of freedom.

What It Looks Like:

• Regular therapy or support group work

• Feeling stronger, more self-aware

• Processing and grieving losses

• Beginning to forgive 

• Learning new ways of relating in relationships

• Prioritizing rest, spiritual growth, and soul care

  
  

Helpful Resources:

• Ongoing counseling and/or support group

• Christian trauma-informed retreats, workshops (search online)

• Read Chapter 7, "Forgiveness," in Heartmending, and/or work through my guided workbook, Forgiveness Sets You Free

• Bible study, Graced, based on 6 sexually broken women and how God restored them

• Deep-dive therapeutic books/workbooks

• Soul-care resources (try soulcare.com--includes a free soul health assessment)

• Continued Scripture journaling and prayer 

  
  

Goal:

Move toward wholeness and emotional freedom. 

Claim this truth:

The lies can no longer hold me captive. I am slaying them and tasting the beauty and joy of freedom.

4. Healing-Triumphant

Description: This is a stage of empowerment and purpose. While healing may always be ongoing in some form, you no longer feel ruled by your trauma. You have integrated your story and are ready to use what you've learned as a gift to others.

What It Looks Like:

• Feeling emotionally and spiritually free

• Writing, speaking, or teaching from your journey

• Encouraging or mentoring others who are starting out

• Pursuing dreams that were previously buried

• Freedom from unforgiveness

• Sharing testimony with boldness and grace

• Advocating for trauma-informed healing in your community

  
  

Helpful Resources:

• Public speaking or writing training

• Certification in coaching, mentoring, or trauma care

• Ministry leadership development

• Developing new skills in art, craft, sports, hobbies

• Opportunities to serve (church, nonprofits, blogs)

• Platforms to share your voice: podcasting, publishing, group leadership

• Read Chapter 11, "Help Others," in Heartmending

  
  

Goal:

Live out your calling and help others find healing. 

(Side note: this is the stage at which God called me to write Heartmending, then venture further into podcast-guesting and speaking at events. You will know when you're ready for this stage!)

Claim this truth:

I am an overcomer, led into freedom by God so I can help others find their way. God will show me what He wants me to do.

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Mark where you are on the graph below and where you'd like to be within a year.

Healing is gradual and slow, like a dimmer switch slowly being turned up.

Consider your healing path as going from darkness to light, the light of God's truth and fullness of joy!

May you draw closer to Jesus and follow His perfect path to wholeness and restoration in the days, weeks, and months ahead. I'm praying for you.