From healing to "hineni"

A few days before Charlie Kirk was murdered, I was stopped short by something he said in one of his videos:

One of my favorite phrases in the Bible in Hebrew is HINENI: “Here I am.” It means Lord, use me.

I nerd out on Hebrew and Greek root words in the Bible, so hineni (hee-nay-nee) caught my attention. But the other thing that jumped out at me was when Charlie called the one-word hineni a “saying.” So often we don’t have exact English translations, thus, hineni translates to "here I am." 

It’s not a statement of geographical location, but a claim of surrender to the Lord’s service. Hineni implies availability, the offering of oneself to go where God sends and do what He asks. Moses said it, and so did Samuel, Abraham, and Isaiah.

Intrigued, I whispered “hineni” to Jesus, tucked this little gem into my brain, and went on with life.

Then September 10^th happened. The day when Charlie’s “Here I am, Lord, use me” took on a whole new meaning. Charlie never retreated because of regular death threats, stating “All death can do to the believer is deliver him to Jesus." He lived courageously into his calling to speak biblical truth, confront evil, and exalt Jesus. He was loved and hated for confronting cultural ideology, using the Word to exhort people to think critically and see their need for a Savior.

Charlie could never have imagined how God would answer his "use me" prayer through his death—even more than his life—to spread the gospel and ignite global revival.

Atheists surrendering to Christ.

Prodigals returning to church.

Vigils and worship worldwide.

Social media exploding with bold proclamations of devotion to Christ.

I began to ponder: how does hineni intersect with healing from trauma? I inquired of the Lord, and this is what He showed me:

Healing isn’t solely about your own restoration, freedom, and happiness. God’s goal isn’t

just about improving your one solitary life. It’s about hineni. He heals us so that we are no longer consumed by our pain, grief, and woundedness, freeing us to turn our eyes toward others, serving God by serving them.

Think about the 59 one-anothers in the New Testament: love, honor, forgive, help, encourage, comfort, care for, pray for, be kind to, be at peace with, bear with, etc. How can we do any of those when we are preoccupied with our suffering? 

God's strategy is mend and send.

Early in my healing journey, I had little energy to look outside myself. I gave most of what I had to being a wife and mom, with crumbs leftover for serving God and others. As God gently, lovingly untangled the mess, my eyes slowly opened to the needs of others.

I believed back then that God couldn't use me until I was "totally healed" (which I now understand happens upon my arrival in heaven). We only hear about the Hineni Heroes (Moses, Apostle Paul, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Billy Graham, Mother Teresa), but everyone--you and me--can practice hineni in our little corner of the world. 

Yes, even while you're healing.

• Do a small kindness to the person God puts in your path today

• Sit with someone who’s hurting. Hold their hands, don’t talk, just cry with them. Heal together.

• Send a text or snail-mail card (so rare these days) to brighten someone’s day

• Open your heart to forgiveness for an undeserving person

• Volunteer at church to serve coffee or fold programs. No skill or big time commitment needed.

• Ask God to use your story for His glory

• Pray peace and hope over your hurting friend, your lost loved one, your community

  
  

In a world suffocating on its lack of purpose and meaning, Charlie gave us hineni, and we see the masses clamoring to pick up where he left off and make Jesus known.

Boldly.

Sacrificially. 

Fearlessly.

We're just passing through, fellow believer. Make your earthly stay count. 

"For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 16:25).